


To the beat of drums

by Crowleysheiress



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not really sure how else to tag it, M/M, it's definitely really fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 03:43:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5232659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowleysheiress/pseuds/Crowleysheiress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the drums in his head just became too loud to deal with them on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Night

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ !  
> Thank you. The fanfiction you're about to read is my first work of fiction in another language and I'm not a native Speaker. So I want to apologize in advance for any vocabulary or grammatical errors. I would really appreciate if whoever finds a mistake could message me or point it out in a comment, so I can fix it. Because I always love constructive criticism.  
> Anyway, this is the first part or a two-part story and the second part is already completely written. In german. That means that I will definitely update this story, but that might take some time, I'm not very good at translating stuff fast.  
> That's it. I hope you enjoy :)

„Doctor?“  
A voice. A voice that cut into his conciousness and ripped him from his sleep. For a moment he was tempted to just ignore the voice and go back to sleep but over the course of his life he had learned to listen to voices who woke him at night. Especially when it was that voice.  
„Doctor!“ said the voice again, this time with more urgency.  
„Master“ he murmured and opened his eyes „it’s the middle oft he night.“  
He observed the other Timelord, who was crouching in front of his bed and clutching at the bedstead as if he might topple over if he would let go. In the dark room his face looked unnaturally pale and his eyes appeared huge and with a feverish gloss.  
„The drums, Doctor..“ he whispered and bent forward. He opened his mouth to say something else but stopped suddenly and put his hands over his ears with a pained sound.  
„Master!“ The Doctor grabbed the his shoulder and gently shook it.   
„They’re very loud today, aren’t they ?“ he said and pryed the Masters hands from his ears, only for them to cramp up in his hair as the Master looked up at him.  
„Yes“ he whispered, so quiet that the Doctor had trouble understanding him „they are so loud…“  
The Doctor sighed inwardly and thought about his options. From time to time the Master had these… phases where the drums inside his head would get just too loud, too loud for him to even think properly. On days like these he tended to curl up in a corner and rock himself back and forth while either clawing at his head or pressing his hands firmly against his ears. The Doctor had found him in this position a few times and each time it had been absolutely horrifying, because… well because he was the Master and he wasn’t supposed to lay in a whimpering, rocking heap in a corner. It just didn’t feel right.  
On some oft the more recent occasions the Master had actually started to come to him and to cling at his suit instead of his own hair. Then the Doctor sat beside him and stayed as long as it took for the drums to quieten. 

Now he had to decide between letting the Master deal with this on his own or letting him stay here, with him, and to let him cling at his clothes.

Sending the Master away and leaving him alone would definitely be the easy way for him. But he wouldn’t do that of course, because he was the Doctor and he had promised the Master to help him. Besides, leaving a suffering person alone just wasn’t something he would do, that wasn’t the kind of person he wanted to be.

„Master“ he whispered and scooted back on the mattress „you can lie down beside be, if you want to.“

The Master didn’t answer but, after a moment of hesitation, he crawled up beside him and curled into a tight ball under the covers.

„Master, you’ve got to fall asleep.“ The Doctor murmured and laid an arm around his shoulders. He was shaking. 

„I can’t…“ he whispered, from somewhere at the level of his chest, and the Doctor felt how his fingers dug into his Pyjama top. The clinging could start.

„They’re very loud, aren’t they ?“ The Doctor pulled him closer to himself and began to rub over Master‘s shoulders.

The Master made an unarticulated, confirming noise and buried his face in the Doctor’s chest. He started to shake even harder und solidified his grasp.

„You have to calm down“ whispered the Doctor „try to take a deep breath.“ 

„I can’t“ he hissed urgently „Doctor, they’re too loud. And they’re in my head 

„Hush. I know, Master, I know. I can try to make them quieter. Maybe it would help.“ He hesitated for a moment „should I ?“

„Please“ he whispered and it almost came out as a whimper.

The Doctor knew how hard it was for him to ask for help, let alone accept that help, for the Master had always been an incredibly independent and proud creature.  
But extraordinary situations required extraordinary measures.

„You’ve got to close your eyes and take a deep breath.“ He murmured and let his fingers run through the Master’s hair.

Slowly, he began to oblige his request and the Doctor gave him great credit for making an honest effort to calm himself.

After his breath had adopted a regular rhythm and his eyes were closed tightly, the Doctor pulled his hands from the Master’s hair and instead placed them at his temples.

Timelords were Touch Telepaths and in the course of his long life the Doctor learned that one of the most effective ways to calm a person was to show them things they associated positive feelings with. Those didn‘t necessarily had to be visual pictures, but could also be sounds, odors or memories of loving touches.

The Doctor showed the Master memories, memories of a time when he had been Theta Sigma and the Master had been Koschei. Memories of a kinder time.  
After a few minutes the Master started to relax and was soon completely slack under the Doctor’s fingers. Even though it still took quite some time for him to fall asleep, the Doctor was positive that he would not wake again this night.

He sighed and pulled his fingers from the Master’s temples. He still remembered the first time the Master had told him oft he drums, how hesitant and insecure he had been. And he remembered how he had laughed, patted his back and told him that he probably just needed to sleep a little more.   
That had been centuries ago, they still went to the Time Academy then, and for a long time the Doctor had forgotten that this conversation ever happened, but lately he thought about it more frequently, every time with an increasing feeling of guilt in his stomach.

Sometimes he asked himself what would have happened if he had taken his friend seriously at that time. Maybe it would have never gotten this bad, maybe the universe, as well as the Master, could have been spared a lot of suffering.

„I’m sorry, Koschei…“ he whispered and pulled him into his arms „I’m so sorry, I should have listened to you.“

The Master couldn’t hear him of course, but unconsciously he pressed closer to the Doctor, so close that he could feel his warm breath against his neck.

The Doctor sighed again and rubbed circles over his shoulder. He knew that the Master would wake up in a few hours and slip out oft he bed and that they would not talk about this the next morning.  
Because the Master hated showing any weakness and he absolutely loathed the fact that that was exactly what the drums made him do. Completely apart from that, he never talked about the drums when they were at a bearable volume.

The Doctor also knew that he definitely wouldn’t address that matter, he loved the Master to much to make him go through the ordeal that a conversation about one of those nights would be.

So he could just hope that this night had been the last and that the drums would finally leave his friend alone, only to be woken again in a few weeks time and to help where help could be applied.

He sighed again, for the last time, and buried his face in the Master’s neck.

It took a long time until he fell asleep too.


	2. Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, new chapter. I'm sorry for the long wait, I'm not a fast translator under normal conditions and I had exam phase this month, so it was a absolute translation nightmare.  
> Just like last time, if you find any grammatical or vocabulary errors, don't hesitate to point them out to me.  
> Anyway, I hope you all will enjoy it :)

The next morning the Doctor woke with the honest expectation, that the Master would be gone. So he was rather surprised when he realized that the Master not only seemed to have decided to stay, but also to use his upper body as his personal pillow.

„Master“ he whispered and poked the other’s cheek. He didn’t mind being in the same bed with him, but he knew that the Master would be furious upon waking and he didn’t want to delay the confrontation that he knew would follow.

„Master!“ whispered again and poked him a little harder. Still no reaction. He would be horribly upset as soon as he would wake, because usually he would already slip out of bed at dawn after one of those nights, and he absolutely hated it when things did not happen like they were supposed to. But in this night he had been exhausted, exhausted from the drums and lost too deep in sleep to wake up at his usual time.

The Doctor sighed, which he seemed to do more frequently in recent time, the drums must have been quite bad and he knew of course that the Master wouldn’t tell him how bad exactly they had been. He probably wouldn’t even admit it to himself.

„Master!“ he almost-yelled and slapped more or less forceful against his cheek.

The Master grimaced, grumbled and opened his eyes. For a moment he looked around unfocused, until his gaze fell upon the Doctor‘s face which was unusually close to his own and he was awake all at once.

For a few seconds they just stared at each other, then the Master suddenly jerked upright, scrambled to the edge of the mattress, until he was sitting cross-legged and stared at the Doctor in complete and utter shock.

„Good morning to you too“ he said dryly and raised himself up on one elbow. When the Master did not react at all and just kept on staring at him he frowned and asked :“Are you alright?“

„Doctor“ he murmured and his glance fell onto the Doctor, the bed and finally himself „I slept in you bed“

„Yes“ the Doctor replied and sat up completely, so they sat across each other „you did not feel well last night.“

That was atleast the biggest understatement of this month, but the Doctor had no idea how else he should phrase it.

The Master blinked and rubbed over his face with both hands.   
„Yeah, I noticed“ he mumbled, muffled by his hands.

The Doctor was very sure that the rampage he was anticipating was coming soon. He also knew that the Master wasn’t really angry at him, but rather at himself.   
He was angry that he slept too long, angry at the drums for getting this bad again, angry that he couldn’t help himself anymore, but had to go to the Doctor instead and he was especially angry that he could not change anything about that.

Maybe he shouldn’t be so lenient with the Master, after all he was the one who had to bear his temper, but the Master had never been good with his own feelings and yelling at the Doctor was, exept for just bottling them up, the only way he knew to cope with them.  
And because he already bottled up about his feelings about 90 percent of the time, the Doctor let him have atleast this anger-attacks.

He was mentally preparing himself to be yelled at with what felt like 100 decibel and hit with loose fists, when the Master exhaled deeply and leaned his elbows onto his knees, his face still hidden in his hands.

Uh, oh. That was new. And worrying.

„Master?“ he asked alarmed and scooted closer to him: „Is everything alright?“

„Does it look like it is ?“ he growled, muffled, but with his normal viciousness.

„Well, not really…“ the Doctor responded and faltered. It did not occur often that he had no idea what to say, but this was one of those moments.

For a few minutes they just sat opposite each other, without saying a word, and while the Master was breathing heavily the Doctor waited, not sure for what. But he was sure that there would be no anger-attack, however, he didn’t knew, if this, whatever it was, was better.

They still sat ramrod straight opposite each other when the Master yanked up his head and shouted: „ You’re still here?!“

The Doctor looked at him in utter surprise.

„You didn’t say anything.“ He said flummoxed

Now it was the Master‘s turn to look surprised

„I didn’t?“

„No“

„Really ?“

„Nah“

„Hm“ made the Master and braced his head in his hands again.

„Master?“

„Hm?“

„Would you like me to go?“

He made a noise which could probably be openly interpreted.

Whatever was happening right now, the Doctor did not like it. This behaviour so incredibly unmaster-y, that he had simply no idea what would happen next.  
He considered to leave the room, to give the Master some space to collect himself, but decided against it. Something was happening that was alien to both him and the Master and he knew that the Master did not like new situations. At all.

Maybe he would need him.

The Doctor scooted a little closer to the Master and watched him. He still had his head propped in his hands and stared at his shins, as if they contained the answer to the trickiest riddle in the universe. His fingers were cramping and loosening in his hair and his back was as tense as a bow-string.

„They won’t stop, will they?“ he gasped out suddenly and looked straight at the Doctor. There was something in his eyes, something that looked suspiciously like desperation, but there was something else… resignation.

The Doctor looked at him with uncertainity in his eyes. He knew that the Master would know, if he would lie to him. But, if he had to be honest, the Doctor did not know how he would react upon hearing the truth.

„No“ he said finally „I don’t think they will ever stop…“

The Master lowered his head again exhaled an abysmal sigh.

„Master“ murmured the Doctor and laid a hand on his shoulder „maybe there is another possibility, maybe I find another way…“

The words that left his mouth sounded reassuring and hopeful and good, but he knew that they were empty. During the months that they were living together he had tried every single option he could think about to ease or end the drums. None of them had worked and slowly, but surely, he had gone out of ideas and, honestly, just did not know what else to try.

And the worst thing was, the Master knew that too.

„Your pity really does not help me a lot.“ Said the Master and he raised his head to stare at the Doctor with a unfathomable expression. „You said you’d help me, but you can’t do that.“

„I’m so sorry…“ the Doctor whispered and laid his his arms around the Master’s shoulders. He tensed even more, but did not shook him off.

„As much as I would like to vent out my spleen on you, I’m afraid that that’s not your fault. Rassilon really outdid himself.“

The Doctor grinned weakly „When did you stop to take out your disappointment on me?“ he asked and tightened his grip a little.

„The decision came about 70 seconds ago and I’m executing it for about 10 seconds now. You should better try to not make me change my mind.“

The Doctor laughed even though none of them really had a reason to laugh or banter right now.

This symbiosis, in which they had come togther, was mainly based on the Doctor’s promise to eradicate the drums. Certainly things like feelings, sentimentality and memories of their shared childhood on Gallifrey had contributed in making the Master decide to stay with him, but his main reason had been the hope for a better, drumfree, future.

Now that the Doctor had admitted that he couldn’t do anything about the drums there was no actual reason for the Master to stay.

„What are we gonna do now?“ he asked and laid his cheek on the Master’s head. The Master snorted against his neck and shrugged.

„No idea“

For a while both of them just sat there, while the Master breathed against his neck and started knocking the drumbeat on the Doctor’s back.

He didn’t want the Master to go. After all they used to be… friends. Still were friends. Or more than friends ? Frenemies, maybe ? Friends with… benefits ? It didn’t really matter, they were some kind of friends.

Apart from this, the Master would probably immediatly try to invade some planet, probably earth, and the Doctor really didn’t want to be responsible for that.

„I stay“ said the Master suddenly, without interrupting his knocking.

„What?“ exclaimed the Doctor and bolted upright, but without releasing him from his arms.

„Didn’t you listen to me ?“ grumbled the Master and squirmed in his embrace.

„I did, but could you kindly repeat yourself, so I can really grasp it and laugh out loud in relief?“

„Sure. I will stay here, in your TARDIS, close to your refrigerator and your freezer. With you. Aren’t I selfless?“

The only response the Master got was the promised relieved laugh and the fact that the Doctor held and squeezed him so hard that he gasped for air.

„You can let go of me, you know?!“

„Sorry!“ The Doctor gasped out, released him and gave him a big grin.

„I think you should make breakfast today. Pancakes. And bacon. Preferably both at the same time.“

„Sure“ replied the Doctor, when both of them stood up and started walking to the kitchen.

He was not going to lie to himself, they were faraway from having a normal or healthy relationship, but the Master stayed even though he didn’t have to, and atleast this was a start.  
Yes, the drums were still there. Yes, they still were bad and deafening and sometimes absolutely unbearable, but maybe they would be lucky for once, just as an exeption.

Maybe everything would calm itself.

Maybe things would turn out well. Or atleast better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it. I hope you liked it :)
> 
> I've always firmly believed that, if the Master would travel with the Doctor, he would do so by his own will. The Doctor imprisoning him wouldn't work for any of them.

**Author's Note:**

> So. That's it. I hope you liked it, Comments would be very much appreciated :)
> 
> And in case you were wondering, this story does already exists on the german fanfiction site, but under a different title.


End file.
